Posts filed under ‘cecilia cheung’

HK/HP: If Hong Kong Movie Actors Starred In Harry Potter Films

A double-dose of geekdom here–went to see the latest Harry Potter (Deathly Hallows, part 1) on opening day and had my fangirl jones satisfied. Dan, Rupert, & Emma have grown up and learned to act, the special effects were par excellence, and the stellar supporting cast has grown to include the lucky Bill Nighy (who said “For a while, I thought I would be the only English actor of a certain age who wasn’t in a ‘Harry Potter’ film.”)

After wallowing in the 2.5 hour HP movie my consciousness was full of all things Potter. The other movie of note that I’d seen that week was Francis Ng’s new Chinese Western, Wind Blast, so both were vying for space in my backbrain. Then when my buddy and fellow Hong Kong movie otaku Erika, aka Huckle, suggested that Francis would make a great Sirius Black, the game was on. So herewith follows my dream cast for the hypothetical Hong Kong remake of Harry Potter.

NOTE: It was easy to pick the adult actors. The teens were a bit more difficult, since I’m not as tuned into the Hong Kong idol scene as I could be. Any suggestions for the younger cast members, as well as any others, are more than welcome in the comments section.

Anthony Wong Chau-Sang, half-blood extraordinaire

Severus Snape: Anthony Wong. The Half-Blood Prince personified, Anthony has both the swagger and the sneer required to play Severus.

Voldemort: Tony Leung Chiu-Wai. Although Little Tony usually plays the good guy, he proved in Lust, Caution that he can do creepy and evil too.

Nick Cheung, half-man, half-beast

Remus Lupin: Nick Cheung. Moody, dark, and a little feral (see Election), Nick is totally believable as a werewolf.

Peter Pettigrew: Louis Koo. Probably a bit too square-jawed to play Wormtail, but he’s got the paranoid nervousness down pat. No one in Hong Kong sweats and twitches as well as Louis Koo.

Francis Ng with his hair up

Sirius Black: Francis Ng. Ah, the angst! The fancy frock coats! The insane gleam in his eye! Who else but Francis to play Sirius Black?

Albus Dumbledore: Lau Kar-Leung. The grandmaster of Hong Kong martial arts movies, he can also choreograph his own action scenes.

The glorious Simon Yam

Lucius Malfoy: Simon Yam. A slimy, smirky, ruthless & amoral bad guy? Paging Simon Yam!

Mad-Eye Moody: Lau Ching-Wan: LCW really deserves a bigger role but he’s got the chops to make this part his own. He was also plenty weird in Mad Detective and Himalaya Singh so we know he doesn’t shy away from the offbeat.

Carina Lau, red carpet queen

Narcisa Malfoy: Carina Lau. Because no one does haughty and high-class better than Carina.

Dolores Umbridge: Sandra Ng. The queen of Hong Kong comedy, she’d make a wackier Umbridge. However, she’s got some skilz so I have no doubt that she’d bring the sinister as well.

Eric Tsang & eyebrows

Horace Slughorn: Eric Tsang. He’s got the smarmy gladhanding dialed in.

Andy being Andy

Gilderoy Lockhart: Andy Lau. Handsome, flashy, ultrafamous, and a bit vacuous spells Andy to a T.

Rubeus Hagrid: Ng Man-Tat. Uncle Tat in elevator shoes and in a big furry beard? Hellz yeah!

Helena Law Lan in Troublesome Night 3,245

Minerva McGonagal: Helena Law Lan. The queen ofTroublesome Night, Law Lan has the supernatural down pat.

Vernon Dursley: Lam Suet. Blustery, blubbery, and a little bit malevolent is Lam Suet all over.

Petunia Dursley: Karen Mok. Maybe a bit too glam for Petunia, but she can certainly do the midcentury costumes.

Roy Cheung, wicked

Fenrir Greyback: Roy Cheung. Who’s more qualified than Roy Cheung to tear out people’s throats with his bare hands?

Rita Skeeter: Cecilia Cheung. Glamourous, self-centered & entitled, with a hint of sleaziness–Ceci anyone?

Zhou Xun in red

Nymphadora Tonks: Zhou Xun. The twinkly-eyed Xun is our token mainland star, if only because she’s the best actress of her generation. Plus she’s probably more than willing to do purple hair, as evidenced by her off-kilter turns in All About Women and Ming Ming.

Sybill Trelawny: Sammi Cheng. Especially since Sammi’s been having a bad hair day for about two years now.

Maggie Cheung with blowout

Bellatrix LeStrange: Maggie Cheung. Because Maggie’s been rocking the frizzy hair look lately and because she can do sexy and dangerous in her sleep.

Harry Potter: Lam Yiu-Sing, who played the angsty teen in Heiward Mak’s High Noon. Better him than Jing Boran any day.

Smart girl Evelyn Choi

Hermione Granger: Evelyn Choi Wing Yan. Played Aarif Lee’s geeky girl love interest in Echoes of the Rainbow. Not a lot of competition for this part.

Ron Weasley: If only Chapman To were twenty years younger this would be his role. Still searching for the right teen actor to play Harry’s wingman. NOTE: see update below

Aarif Lee brings it

Cedric Diggory: Aarif Lee. Now in theaters playing a young Bruce Lee, he’s certainly pretty enough to play the part that launched Robert Pattinson’s career.

Nic Tse broods

Draco Malfoy: Nicholas Tse (ten years younger). Have to put Nic in a time machine for this one since he’s perfect for the part of the privileged, conflicted scion of a shady family.

UPDATE: angryasianman.com has a link to an Asian Harry Potter lookalike who showed up on the Conan O’Brian show last week. Maybe this is an idea whose time has come–

Jing Boran does quirky, with Angelbaby

UPDATE 2: Okay, I take it back what I said about Jing Boran. After seeing Hot Summer Nights and Love In Space I realize that he would be perfect for the part of Ron Weasley. I humbly apologize for slandering the former M-Pop star.

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November 22, 2010 at 9:44 pm 10 comments

How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away? Edison Chen Sex Scandal

Ah Gil and Edison, cropped, 2008

Edison and Ah Gil, cropped, 2008

After several months of quiescence, the Edison Chen sex photo scandal has reared its salacious head again. I’ve resisted writing about it because God knows you can get plenty of information about it elsewhere, but recently this blog has been slammed with hits from people searching “edison chen sex photos” and related terms, even though a previous post only briefly mentioned our boy Edison. It’s probably not significant traffic but it shows that the the subject is still one of the hottest ones on the internets even a year after the whole scandal broke in January 2008. Last year in China Edison Chen was most-searched subject on google and yahoo, ahead of the Beijing Olympics, facebook and iphone. Suffice to say that the Hong Kong public and the media were pretty overexcited by the whole event since it involved pop stars, nudity, adultery, and sex.

Now that Edison’s in a Vancouver court starting to spill the beans about the incident, his fellow erstwhile naked Hong Kong celebrities Gillian Chung and Cecilia Cheung have also started to surface and blab about the whole thing again. Full details as well as hundreds of images from the scandal can be easily found elsewhere but needless to say that last winter the Hong Kong media had a field day when naked sex pictures of several of their beloved idols flooded the internet, all from the misappropriated laptop of rising pretty-boy actor Edison Chen. After about a monthlong firestorm during which a seemingly endless number of the amateur-porny pictures popped up on the web, the whole incident climaxed (sorry) with a grim-faced Chen announcing his retirement from Hong Kong entertainment in order to devote time to “charity work” in Canada. Not to mention fleeing the pissed-off Hong Kong triad members who wanted to chop off one of his hands for killing the careers of several of golden-egg layers like Gillian and Cecilia.

Gillian, aka Ah Gil, aka one half of the phenomenally popular Cantopop girl group The Twins, is now testing the waters for a comeback after last year’s sleazy & unflattering pictures of her and little Edison in flagrante delicto annihilated her image as a squeaky clean Jade Girl. At a recent fashion shoot several smart-ass Hong Kong truck drivers heckled her as she left the photo studio, calling her “naïve Gil.” Maybe she needs to wait a bit longer until things die down some more.

Cecilia talks Edison, February 2009

Cecilia talks Edison, February 2009

Meanwhile, Cecilia Cheung, aka 2003 Hong Kong Film Awards Best Actress, aka wife of fellow superstar Nic Tse, has come out of hiding with a high-profile interview on Hong Kong television in which she calls Edison a fake, a hypocrite and a liar. Hey, Cece, what do you really think about him?

For his part, Edison has claimed that he would do “anything” to protect “the ladies” involved, though exactly what that might entail is sketchy. In the meantime he’s publically named five of his partners in the pictures for the first time and claimed that several of the photos were actually taken by the women in question. Way to blame the victim, dude.

Edison cleans up his image, Singapore, February 2009

Edison cleans up his image, Singapore, February 2009

He’s also been quietly trying to revive his acting career–his 2008 movie The Sniper, which was delayed after last year’s naughty pictures surfaced, is playing at the Hong Kong International Film Festival next month and he recently made an appearance at a Singapore Carl’s Jr., though of course he’ll be donating all proceeds “to charity.” Edison’s mom has also spoken up in support of her boy, saying that Edison would rather go to jail to protect “the girls.” Huh, no kidding.

Anyways, I doubt that a media ho like Edison will be able to resist the spotlight for long. We’ll see how the Hong Kong public responds and if fans forgive and forget, or if they continue to excoriate poor Edison and his compatriots. Either way I guarantee the Hong Kong media will be all over this story until we’re all heartily sick of it.

More on this as it develops, or not, depending on how intense and tedious the media hype becomes.

UPDATE: A quick shout-out to the venerable Hong Kong Movie Database Daily News forum, which provided most of the links and images in this posting. Thanks for being you.

Anthony Wong says, "Keep clear of Hong Kong, Edison"

Anthony Wong says, "Keep clear of Hong Kong, Edison"

UPDATE 2: Okay, a quick update after a flurry of useless overreporting. Some killjoy has sent Edison Chen a bullet via the US Mail accompanied by a death threat stating, “We hope Edison Chen will take this warning seriously, otherwise his personal safety will be threatened,” and goes on to make more unfriendly remarks about Edison and his well-being. The ever-sensible Anthony Wong Chau-Sang, who is Edison’s godfather, commented, “This time they send a bullet, next time they send a bomb?… When I meet Edison for a meal he will have to wear a bullet-proof vest and helmet!”  Anthony had previously warned Edison to stay out of Hong Kong or he’d kick his ass. Tough love from the Bunman.

February 28, 2009 at 6:29 pm 6 comments

Salty Pork Hand

Learned a new phrase today that I love—salty pork hand. It’s the literal translation of the term for pervert in Cantonese and it’s been featured in the latest television idol kerfuffle in Hong Kong, wherein a blind gossip item has implicated a mysterious male TVB “artiste” in groping a couple female starlets. It’s got the internets abuzz over there, with top male stars like Joe Ma and Moses Chan avidly denying that they are the salty pork hand in question.

So who else is a salty pork hand?

edison-bobo

Edison, Bobo Chun, and little edison, 2007

Edison Chen? For being a raging exhibitionist and non-consensually exposing his many girlfriends’ ungroomed pudenda to international scrutiny?

geoghan200

Father Geoghan busted, 1991

Father John Geoghan and too many of his fellow priests, for serially molesting little boys?

Sen. Larry Craig mugs for the camera

Sen. Larry Craig mugs for the camera

Sen. Larry Craig, for denying he likes sex in public toilets?

R. Kelly, prisonwear

R. Kelly, for liking it like that with underaged girls?

Who’s your nominee for salty pork hand?

UPDATE: Looks like whistleblower Kingdom Yuen (gotta love those English names the HK stars pick) has backed down from her original accusations and that TVB is trying to sweep the whole salty pork hand incident under the rug. Which means the speculation can continue unabated, of course, since Hong Kong pop culture loves a sex scandal. But it seems like without solid incriminating evidence this one may not get as much mileage as last year’s Edison Chen sex picture incident, which was the best scandal to come along in decades.

UPDATE 2: If anyone knows the Cantonese etymology for the term “salty pork hand,” please let me know. We are all dying to find out.

UPDATE 3: Looks like TVB’s Salty Pork Hand is Ellesmere Choi.

And my friend Jay Chan in Hong Kong translates the term as “salty wet hands.” Eeeewww.

UPDATE 4: Another “salty pork hand” has emerged on the Hong Kong scene, through another mysterious blind item. The start of a trend?

UPDATE 5: Wongsaurus over at LoveHKFilm breaks it down like this:

Not familiar with “salty pork” only “salty wet” but this sexual harassmen thing is obviously about non-consensual touching and groping.

Salty = Hom
Wet = Sup
Sow/Sou = Hand

Hom + Sup = Compound word (slangy) for Horny, Dirty (as in sexually dirty), pornographic, lewd and lascivious. [There are other more proper terminology for tawdry and sexual nasties and one example is uttered in the movie Crazy “N The City during the double-decker bus scene with Eason Chan, Chloe Chiu, and the masturbating pervert passenger.]

Please note that my romanization of Cantonese may not be accurate Yale or Wade-Giles.

Thus Hom + Sup + Sou suggests that someone did some nasty fondling. We’re all adults here so we leave it to your imagination.

February 4, 2009 at 12:55 am 6 comments

three more francis ng movies

Best to worst

The White Dragon, dir. Wilson Yip, 2004

Francis plays a blind swordsman opposite spoiled and vain rich girl Cecilia Cheung in this 21st century martial arts redux. Full of jokey anachronisms and mo le tau humor, the film is nonetheless affecting due to the charisma and chemistry of the two leads. Francis channels Zatoichi with a twist–he’s a sensitive and noble, lovelorn guy.

Francis with bangs, The White Dragon, 2005

Francis with bangs, The White Dragon, 2005

He also battles a very bad haircut but miraculously manages to become more and more attractive, even though he spends half the film with his eyes rolled up in his head. The scene where he discovers that Cecilia thinks he’s handsome is classic–charming, funny and convincing. Kudos to Cecilia Cheung (who won Best Actress at the HK Film Awards) for keeping her bratty character light and appealing. Wilson Yip continues his schizophrenic directing career, combining wuxia, comedy, romance and satire in classic HK style.

Dancing Lion, dir. Marco Mak & Francis Ng, 2007

Kinda dumb, unfortunately. Sitcom-style humor about a dysfunctional family that starts a lion dancing business and becomes a HK phenomenom. Francis co-directs and stars as a forty-year-old hip hop wannabe dope.

Francis and bling, Dancing Lion, 2007

Francis and bling, Dancing Lion, 2007

Anthony Wong is amazing as a 72-year-old lion dance master–he’s very fun to watch in an otherwise dippy film.

Francis & Anthony in furry pants, Dancing Lion, 2005

Francis & Anthony in furry pants, Dancing Lion, 2007

Himalaya Singh, dir. Wai Kar-Fei, 2005

“Hey, you ever been to India?” “No, why?” “Wanna make a movie there?” “Well, what’s there?” “I dunno, elephants, cobras, yoga.” “Okay, sounds great. Think Francis & Lau Ching Wan will want to go?” “Yeah, and maybe Cecilia.” “Okay, let’s do it.” “And we need to find some Indian guys who can speak Cantonese.”

Cultural insensitivity, HK style, Himalaya Singh, 2006

Cultural insensitivity, HK style, Himalaya Singh, 2005

December 24, 2008 at 9:17 pm 1 comment


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